Hungry-Man “Roasted Carved Turkey”

You don’t have to spend Thanksgiving alone when you can spend it with the Hungry-Man “Roasted Carved Turkey” TV dinner.

The turkey in this meal is instantly recognizable as turkey, which is quite a step forward for most TV dinners. The corn tastes as good as any quality frozen corn you could buy. The mashed potatoes do not have the watery flavor and texture associated with many TV dinner mashed potatoes. Sadly, the gravy and stuffing fail to live up to the rest of the meal. The gravy is sickly sweet for gravy and the stuffing is very dry and almost chewy. Overall there is a definitely higher overall level of quality than seen in the banquet brand dinners but you certainly pay for it in the extra cost. I’m not sure of what to make of the cranberry apple “dessert”. It didn’t really strike me as dessert; it was more like a cranberry dipping sauce. It tasted like cranberry and was good for dipping, but not for eating by the spoonful like most desserts.

This meal makes a lot of sense. For $2.69, you can have thanksgiving dinner in about 8 minutes. There is minimal mess to clean up, no actual cooking skills are required, and it tastes like thanksgiving for the most part. This dinner was made for people spending thanksgiving by them selves. I wouldn’t recommend actually eating this on thanksgiving alone, it is going to be depressing. It’s a good TV dinner, but its no thanksgiving dinner. Despite a pound of food this isn’t going to make you feel like you have to take off your pants and take a nap. You may need 2 of these meals for that to happen and eating two hungry-man TV dinners back to back by yourself on thanksgiving sounds kind of depressing. But, if you love thanksgiving and want a taste year-round and all the convenience described above, this is your go-to meal. I give it a 83%

Vital Statistics

Calories: 560

Total Fat: 18g

Cholesterol: 55mg

Sodium: 1620mg

Total Carbohydrates: 78g

Protein: 19g

Kosher: yes

Time to Cook: 8 minutes for 1.1KW microwave

Suggested beverage pairings: Milk, Whiskey, or anything else that will drown your sorrows

Price as tested: $2.69

Overall Rating: 83%

Banquet Brand “Cheesy Smothered Meat Patty Meal”

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes. I did actually eat that. Do I regret it? Yes.

Not surprisingly, the worst part of the meal was not the potatoes. The potatoes were standard banquet brand potatoes. They are the soupy, potato-flavored starch granules that you know and love. The first thing that should tell you and most of the animal kingdom not to eat this ever is the bright orange colored cheddar cheese sauce. The second thing that tells you should not eat this is the fact that it looks like someone has vomited on top of a meat patty. I have to say, though, the premise of this meal is probably the most American of all the TV dinners I have come across. If there is one thing America loves, it is meat. If there is another thing America loves, it is potatoes, and if we can add one more thing America loves, it is cheese. Sadly, these elements don’t come together here to make something as great as America itself. Or anything else that involves the trifecta of American cuisine for that matter.

Also of note is the addition of “bacon”. As a connoisseur of bacon and pork products in general, I can tell you with certainty, there is no bacon like what you imagine in this meal. What is actually in this "cheese sauce" is “picnic bacon” which is more like a ham that was cured like bacon and it tough and lean. The meat patty is more than likely meat. It had the faint flavor of white castle, but somehow managed to make that taste entirely revolting. I love white castle, but whatever has happened here is heinous and wrong. The good news about this meal is that you do not need teeth to eat this. The meat patty is softer than a moist and delicious pound cake.

I’m torn up on the inside about how to rate this. This should really be a 0%, but I think I should save that rating for a meal that makes me vomit after I consume one bite. A 10% rating is probably reserved for a meal so bad I cannot manage to eat all of it. This therefore receives a rating of 22% and my seal of disapproval. Do not eat this unless under extenuating circumstances.

Vital Statistics

Calories: 310

Total Fat: 16g

Cholesterol: 35mg

Sodium: 1160mg

Potassium: 400mg

Total Carbohydrates: 30g

Protein: 13g

Kosher: Most certainly not

Time to Cook: 5 minutes for 1.1KW microwave

Suggested beverage pairings: Keystone, Natty Ice, Ensure

Price as tested: $1.00

Overall Rating: 22%

Banquet Brand “Chicken Pasta Marinara”

I have to admit, I was more excited about eating this meal than most meals. The biggest problem Banquet dinners have are their sides. They are terrible for the most part, but this meal had pasta, which made me feel more optimistic about it. The pasta and it was good. The sauce did have a hint of zestiness and Italian herbs and spices, but like a lot of banquet sauces it had a watery flavor at the same time. The chicken was well seasoned, but the texture of the meat left much to be desired. Furthermore, the chicken was an ice cube in the center after the full extent of recommended cooking. The cooking directions explicitly state to get the inside of the chicken to 165F. I am sure that this did not happen. I am unsure of what is going to happen to my body because of this. Overall this was pretty satisfying for a banquet TV dinner. It is certainly more classy than most banquet TV dinners and perfect for dinner dates. However, be careful, because food poisoning doesn’t help make a good first impression. Overall rating: 73%

Vital Statistics

Calories: 290

Total Fat: 14g

Cholesterol: 15mg

Sodium: 570mg

Potassium: 410mg

Total Carbohydrates: 28g

Protein: 12g

Kosher: Yes

Time to Cook: 3 minutes for 1.1KW microwave

Suggested beverage pairing: sparkling mineral water, dry white wines

Overall Rating: 73%