Banquet Brand “Cheesy Smothered Meat Patty Meal”

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes. I did actually eat that. Do I regret it? Yes.

Not surprisingly, the worst part of the meal was not the potatoes. The potatoes were standard banquet brand potatoes. They are the soupy, potato-flavored starch granules that you know and love. The first thing that should tell you and most of the animal kingdom not to eat this ever is the bright orange colored cheddar cheese sauce. The second thing that tells you should not eat this is the fact that it looks like someone has vomited on top of a meat patty. I have to say, though, the premise of this meal is probably the most American of all the TV dinners I have come across. If there is one thing America loves, it is meat. If there is another thing America loves, it is potatoes, and if we can add one more thing America loves, it is cheese. Sadly, these elements don’t come together here to make something as great as America itself. Or anything else that involves the trifecta of American cuisine for that matter.

Also of note is the addition of “bacon”. As a connoisseur of bacon and pork products in general, I can tell you with certainty, there is no bacon like what you imagine in this meal. What is actually in this "cheese sauce" is “picnic bacon” which is more like a ham that was cured like bacon and it tough and lean. The meat patty is more than likely meat. It had the faint flavor of white castle, but somehow managed to make that taste entirely revolting. I love white castle, but whatever has happened here is heinous and wrong. The good news about this meal is that you do not need teeth to eat this. The meat patty is softer than a moist and delicious pound cake.

I’m torn up on the inside about how to rate this. This should really be a 0%, but I think I should save that rating for a meal that makes me vomit after I consume one bite. A 10% rating is probably reserved for a meal so bad I cannot manage to eat all of it. This therefore receives a rating of 22% and my seal of disapproval. Do not eat this unless under extenuating circumstances.

Vital Statistics

Calories: 310

Total Fat: 16g

Cholesterol: 35mg

Sodium: 1160mg

Potassium: 400mg

Total Carbohydrates: 30g

Protein: 13g

Kosher: Most certainly not

Time to Cook: 5 minutes for 1.1KW microwave

Suggested beverage pairings: Keystone, Natty Ice, Ensure

Price as tested: $1.00

Overall Rating: 22%